Lamar reviews - Geostorm

October 27, 2017
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Wow!  Where do I start?  As far as disaster movies go this one really is a disaster!  And in so many ways.  The world has banded together to build a grid of satellites around the earth to control the weather.  They cast Gerard Butler to play Jake Lawson, the man who built it.  So not only is he a genius scientist, if the situation calls for it he can whip somebody’s ass!  This is the worst casting job since John Wayne as Genghis Khan, Ben Affleck as Daredevil, and Johnny Depp as Tonto.  Butler is the guy you hire in the unlikely case Bruce Willis won’t do it.  Because Jake is a guy that just can’t follow the rules he gets fired from the program.  They replace him with his brother Max, played by Jim Sturgess.  We are not sure why since Max doesn’t seem to be a scientist.  But thankfully Max and Jake are brothers that don’t get along and the only thing that can possibly bring them back together is joining forces to save the world.  Three years later the program starts having glitches.  A village in Afghanistan turns into ice killing everybody and Hong Kong catches on fire and of course we have no choice but bring back the rogue guy who never follows the rules and send him to the space station to fix it. 

Surprise, there is a sinister plot to destroy 3/4s of the planet.  While maverick Jake searches in space little brother Max investigates in Washington with the help of his Secret Service girlfriend.  She commits numerous crimes of treason preceded by the sentence “I really shouldn’t be doing this” which is ironically the same sentence you should be saying if you buy a ticket to this movie.  On the space station they immediately introduce the person that is responsible for murder and mayhem so of course it’s not him.  On earth we are directed to the only possible person that can be behind the diabolical plot.  Of course it’s not him either.  No big deal, after you’re 20 minutes in you don’t care, you just want to see the crazy weather destruction special effects that you came for.  Sorry, that’s not going to be anything like you hoped.  Jake has a teenage daughter that we are introduced to at the beginning and somewhere along the line you expect her to be in a dangerous situation that only he can save her from.  Nope, not happening.

Gerard Butler not only had no chemistry with anybody on the screen, there are multiple reports that he constantly forgot his lines.  Not a problem because I actually wasn’t listening anyway.

The movie is 109 minutes which gives you time to go back for refills, go to the bathroom, look at some of the cool standups in the lobby, and maybe play the claw machine and win a prize.  It’s Rated PG13 for action and violence but mostly because your attitude while watching will be like a 13 year old girl, unimpressed, ticked off, and don’t care.

 

The movie was set to be released in March 2016 then moved to October, then January 2017, and finally October 2017.  It went through multiple re-shoots and here we are, a disaster movie that is honestly a disaster.  Unlike Airport, Airport 75, 77, 79 and Sharknado 1-4 there won’t be a sequel.  The best thing I can say about this movie is that it wasn’t the movie Mother.

My Score: 1 Budweiser

Lamar reviews - Geostorm

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